tell me are you a bad fish, too?

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 00:05:10 GMT

5 months.
we made up.
we're friends again.
my room is a mess.
i got a new book.
my mom told me my 9-year-old brother was smarter than me.
i got alot of shit off of my chest.
i get ungrounded sunday.
party crew come back together!

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 02:22:23 GMT

I'm scared.

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 15:25:02 GMT

I'm so ready to kill myself. Honestly? Yeah. My family is completely out of it. My mom is officially insane. Everyone resents her, and i'm the only one strong enough to say "no mom, fuck you". That's what she fucking needs to hear. This morning I was woken up at 8 o fucking clock to go to church at 10:30. Uhh... no. Not gonna happen. Wake me up 15 minutes before we go and that's alright. So, my mom FLIPS her shit because I don't get out of bed.

I'm sitting here, 20, 30 minutes before they leave and she's yelling and crying whipping Luke forcing him to go to church. I told her "mom, this is exactly why we don't talk to you, and avoid going anywhere with you". AND IT FUCKING IS. I can't stand to look at my mom. Can't stand it.

I'm deeply depressed, and she doesn't care. Why should I care about anything she has to say? I don't feel like moving, or getting out of bed. I don't feel like going outside. I don't feel like getting ready or showering. And i'm NOT going to take that fucking pill.

All my mother is doing is pushing me further and further away from her, and God.

Fuck it, i'm fucking finished with this.

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 02:39:06 GMT

http://youtube.com/watch?v=CpJB60JJcKs

I'm officially bored senseless. I have absolutely nothing to do besides sit here, bother neil with stupid phone calls, lurk the fuck outta random people, make these little movies, and eat zebra cakes. D: God... I'm so fucking bored. It's really unreal. My mom is making me go to church tomorrow. I haven't been there in for fucking ever. She wants to start going to Oak Mountain. Nope. I really hate church. I mean, I like God and all. But hate church. Not for me.

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 18:39:25 GMT

I AM AMAZING.

i also have the best boyfriend ever.

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 16:26:57 GMT

I'm done with all of this bullshit.
I'm not going to see anyone.
Talk to anyone.
Look at anyone.

I'm done with people.

Done & done.

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 01:54:19 GMT

I'm so ready to get out and see my friends. I haven't seen anyone in a week. It's pathetic. I miss Neil so so much. I really miss my party crew. I swear, the second I get ungrounded, i'm going all out with my drinking. God, i'm so uncomfortable. I have all these bug bites on me. I even have one on my asshole. It itches so fucking bad. But anyways, today was a complete and total waste. I did nothing. I slept for a few hours, and went to walmart, took a shower, shaved, and cleaned my room. Me and Neil got into a little fight when I was walking around in walmart. Gah, I hate fighting with him. I'm so sick of it. I am so glad to have him in my life, it's literally unreal. I'm so thankful for everything he does for me. He's really opened my eyes towards the word "love". I thought I can incapable of falling, and here I am, completely fallen for him. I am going to try my best at this relationship, because I want it to work out more than anything.

I've been feeling really really uninspired lately. I really really need to get out and take more photos. It's the only thing I have going for me. Besides my love of doing hair. I really miss Chelsea. I wish I was smart enough to be in a real school. It fucking bums me out. Damn.

I think i'm addicted to codine.

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 23:11:03 GMT

Sometimes, I just wish my mom would lock herself in her room forever. I get so sick of hearing her say "take them thangs outta your ear!", "why are you always cutting on your hair!?", "take your medicine!". I'M NOT RETARDED MOM. I KNOW I'M RUINING MY EARS. I KNOW HOW TO CUT HAIR. I KNOW TO TAKE THE GODDAMN MEDICINE. JUST SHUT UP.

But on another note. Life is more than amazing right now, besides the fact i'm grounded. I really really miss Neil. I miss the fuck outta him. This is such a fucking ridiculous reason to be grounded. I wish my mom would lighten the fuck up.

I cut all of my hair off today. Just because my mom wouldn't shut up. I mean, i've been meaning to do it for a while. She just wouldn't shut up. >.<

Anyways, i've been taking photos today. Weird, and random, I know.

Most of these borders are messed up, I know.

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 00:44:43 GMT

I just thought i'd put this out there.
I miss neil, beer, and cave 9 party crew.
Alot alot alot alot.

i need new music

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 17:54:45 GMT

fuck.

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 00:00:44 GMT

Translation- I love life.

And the thing is.. I do. Everything is so damn good right now. I've had a new found respect for everything and everyone. It feels good. I love my boyfriend. I love my bestfriends. I don't love school. I love cigarettes. I love my vananiwaferz. MAN. I'm just s00per happy.

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 17:16:06 GMT

He's my everything and more.

I like making lists... So what?

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 02:17:18 GMT

(her hair)

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 23:23:47 GMT

And mostly important. I love this boy:

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 15:25:03 GMT

I love Neil Jackson.
I love the rock quarry.
I love old friends.
I love 30 gig iPods.
I love sleeping.
I love having nothing to do today.
I love love.
I love music.

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 01:40:07 GMT

love it.

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 16:11:51 GMT

I am finally content. Thanks to this young boy right here.
<3

gimme the sound

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 20:14:23 GMT

This has been such a relaxing week(end). All I have done is sleep. It feels amazing. Especially since I use to have insomnia. Sleeping is the best medicine for anything. But yeah, yesterday was one of the best day's i've had in a while. Went to Neils. All day. Watched Requiem (for the 12389th time). That movie never gets old. I love Jared Leto. Amputee, or no amputee. He's amazing. Sitting on the couch, cuddling, watching charm school, and playing around with Neil is also the most amazing thing in the world. So is being in love. It's amazing.

Tonight will most likely consist of Sara and Allie, going to eat &/or watch Transformers and talk about girly stuff. I lovee my friends. I love my life.

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 03:38:01 GMT

this is my new boyfriend, his name is dwaight, when he's about to come, he farts.

Fri, 06 Jul 2007 15:32:09 GMT

Sleep. Sleep. Sick. Sick. Neil. Neil. Chinese. Chinese. SICK. SICK.

That's all my past few days have consisted of. It's been great/horrible. Everything seems to be going good between Neil and myself. I really like where things are headed. Maybe a big "Are they back together?". Hopefully. I really need to quit drinking so much. I'm going to quit getting shitfaced with other people. When i'm at home, or at someone elses home, that's fine. But I need to quit making out with boys when i'm drunk. That's one thing i've learned this summer. Don't get shitfaced and makeout with guys.

I'm so thankful I have someone like Neil to really stick by me, even when I do stupid shit. No one will ever really know how much I need someone like that. Most people would "fuck it" on the first stupid thing I do. But no, not Neil. He's in it to win it. I am too. I'm going to be in it to win it, starting now.

Sun, 01 Jul 2007 16:00:09 GMT

Over the last few days, so fucking much has gone on. And i'm not sure if I should be happy, or sad about all of this. I just chose not to feel anything towards it. All I can do is tell them exactly how I feel and say "sorry". I know that's not going to fix my mistakes. But honestly, it was worth it. I don't regret it at all. you all know you guys mean so much to me. As a friend, as en ex boyfriend, and as someone I care for greatly.

I'm just sorry. I really really am. There's nothing more I can say.

I do love you, Neil. I don't care if you are mad, or whatever. I still love you.

I want to be in a punk rock band.

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 17:13:00 GMT

I'm done with friends I can't trust.
I got who I need. Don't fuck it up.

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 18:23:57 GMT

I am 100% happy. And partied out.

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 02:57:48 GMT








We're all presidents, we're all congressmen
we're all cops in waiting, we are all workers of the world
there is the elite and the dispossessed
and it's only about survival
who has the skill to play the game for all it's worth
and reach an obscure kind of perfection
let's try and keep as much emotion out of this as possible
let's try not to remember any names
we'll do it for for a country, for a people, for a moral vision
united we'll make them remember our history
or how we'd like to be told

And we rock because it's us against them
we've found our own reasons to sing
and it's so much less confusing when lines are drawn like that
when people are either consumers or revolutionaries
enemies or friends hanging on to the fringes of the cogs in the system
it's just about knowing where everyone stands
all of a sudden people start talking about guns
talking like they're going to war
because they've found something to die for
start taking back what they stole
sure beats every other option

But does it make a difference how we get it?
well do you really fucking get it?

No,no,no,no....

It's true, it truely is sin.

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 02:55:40 GMT

"Sometimes I feel so happy. Sometimes I feel so sad. Sometimes i feel so happy. But most times, you just make me mad. Maybe you just make me mad. Linger on your pale blue eyes."

I'm completely mellowed out right now. Nothing could be better than how I feel right now. Today, I decided to approach my mom, sit down, and maturely discuss our issues. So, we went to Panera, and we did! We talked about my permit, car, curfew, and how often I could go out. We finally agreed on me keeping my plugs in, as long as I keep a posi (lolz) attitude, and still get my permit. I can go out every other night, and come home at 11. That sounded like fucking candy when she said that. I'm so stoked on life right now.

I miss Neil more than anything.