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[23 Jul 2007|05:04pm] |
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cockney rejects |
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5 months.
we made up.
we're friends again.
my room is a mess.
i got a new book.
my mom told me my 9-year-old brother was smarter than me.
i got alot of shit off of my chest.
i get ungrounded sunday.
party crew come back together!
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read & write
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[22 Jul 2007|07:22pm] |
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I'm scared.
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write
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[22 Jul 2007|08:20am] |
I'm so ready to kill myself. Honestly? Yeah. My family is completely out of it. My mom is officially insane. Everyone resents her, and i'm the only one strong enough to say "no mom, fuck you". That's what she fucking needs to hear. This morning I was woken up at 8 o fucking clock to go to church at 10:30. Uhh... no. Not gonna happen. Wake me up 15 minutes before we go and that's alright. So, my mom FLIPS her shit because I don't get out of bed.
I'm sitting here, 20, 30 minutes before they leave and she's yelling and crying whipping Luke forcing him to go to church. I told her "mom, this is exactly why we don't talk to you, and avoid going anywhere with you". AND IT FUCKING IS. I can't stand to look at my mom. Can't stand it.
I'm deeply depressed, and she doesn't care. Why should I care about anything she has to say? I don't feel like moving, or getting out of bed. I don't feel like going outside. I don't feel like getting ready or showering. And i'm NOT going to take that fucking pill.
All my mother is doing is pushing me further and further away from her, and God.
Fuck it, i'm fucking finished with this.
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write
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[21 Jul 2007|07:36pm] |
http://youtube.com/watch?v=CpJB60JJcKs
I'm officially bored senseless. I have absolutely nothing to do besides sit here, bother neil with stupid phone calls, lurk the fuck outta random people, make these little movies, and eat zebra cakes. D: God... I'm so fucking bored. It's really unreal. My mom is making me go to church tomorrow. I haven't been there in for fucking ever. She wants to start going to Oak Mountain. Nope. I really hate church. I mean, I like God and all. But hate church. Not for me.
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[21 Jul 2007|11:38am] |
I AM AMAZING.
i also have the best boyfriend ever.
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[21 Jul 2007|09:26am] |
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mood |
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 pessimistic |
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I'm done with all of this bullshit.
I'm not going to see anyone.
Talk to anyone.
Look at anyone.
I'm done with people.
Done & done.
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write
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[20 Jul 2007|06:47pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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Refinance your mortgage- Alden penner |
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I'm so ready to get out and see my friends. I haven't seen anyone in a week. It's pathetic. I miss Neil so so much. I really miss my party crew. I swear, the second I get ungrounded, i'm going all out with my drinking. God, i'm so uncomfortable. I have all these bug bites on me. I even have one on my asshole. It itches so fucking bad. But anyways, today was a complete and total waste. I did nothing. I slept for a few hours, and went to walmart, took a shower, shaved, and cleaned my room. Me and Neil got into a little fight when I was walking around in walmart. Gah, I hate fighting with him. I'm so sick of it. I am so glad to have him in my life, it's literally unreal. I'm so thankful for everything he does for me. He's really opened my eyes towards the word "love". I thought I can incapable of falling, and here I am, completely fallen for him. I am going to try my best at this relationship, because I want it to work out more than anything.
I've been feeling really really uninspired lately. I really really need to get out and take more photos. It's the only thing I have going for me. Besides my love of doing hair. I really miss Chelsea. I wish I was smart enough to be in a real school. It fucking bums me out. Damn.
I think i'm addicted to codine.
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write
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[19 Jul 2007|04:10pm] |
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Hannah Montana |
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Sometimes, I just wish my mom would lock herself in her room forever. I get so sick of hearing her say "take them thangs outta your ear!", "why are you always cutting on your hair!?", "take your medicine!". I'M NOT RETARDED MOM. I KNOW I'M RUINING MY EARS. I KNOW HOW TO CUT HAIR. I KNOW TO TAKE THE GODDAMN MEDICINE. JUST SHUT UP.
But on another note. Life is more than amazing right now, besides the fact i'm grounded. I really really miss Neil. I miss the fuck outta him. This is such a fucking ridiculous reason to be grounded. I wish my mom would lighten the fuck up.
I cut all of my hair off today. Just because my mom wouldn't shut up. I mean, i've been meaning to do it for a while. She just wouldn't shut up. >.<
Anyways, i've been taking photos today. Weird, and random, I know.
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[17 Jul 2007|05:43pm] |
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music |
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captain chaos |
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I just thought i'd put this out there.
I miss neil, beer, and cave 9 party crew.
Alot alot alot alot.
i need new music
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write
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[16 Jul 2007|10:54am] |
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fuck.
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write
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[15 Jul 2007|04:54pm] |
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mood |
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Teen love- PB&J |
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Translation- I love life.
And the thing is.. I do. Everything is so damn good right now. I've had a new found respect for everything and everyone. It feels good. I love my boyfriend. I love my bestfriends. I don't love school. I love cigarettes. I love my vananiwaferz. MAN. I'm just s00per happy.
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[13 Jul 2007|10:15am] |
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Dramamine- Modest mouse |
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He's my everything and more.
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[12 Jul 2007|08:23am] |
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music |
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Hard times- Cromags |
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I love Neil Jackson.
I love the rock quarry.
I love old friends.
I love 30 gig iPods.
I love sleeping.
I love having nothing to do today.
I love love.
I love music.
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write
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[09 Jul 2007|06:37pm] |
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music |
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life and limb- fugazi |
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love it.
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read & write
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[09 Jul 2007|09:10am] |
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pale blue eyes- VU |
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I am finally content. Thanks to this young boy right here.
<3
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| gimme the sound |
[08 Jul 2007|01:09pm] |
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mood |
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chipper |
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music |
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Ex-spectator- Fugazi |
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This has been such a relaxing week(end). All I have done is sleep. It feels amazing. Especially since I use to have insomnia. Sleeping is the best medicine for anything. But yeah, yesterday was one of the best day's i've had in a while. Went to Neils. All day. Watched Requiem (for the 12389th time). That movie never gets old. I love Jared Leto. Amputee, or no amputee. He's amazing. Sitting on the couch, cuddling, watching charm school, and playing around with Neil is also the most amazing thing in the world. So is being in love. It's amazing.
Tonight will most likely consist of Sara and Allie, going to eat &/or watch Transformers and talk about girly stuff. I lovee my friends. I love my life.
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[07 Jul 2007|10:35pm] |
this is my new boyfriend, his name is dwaight, when he's about to come, he farts.
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[06 Jul 2007|08:27am] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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music |
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Wolf like me- TV on the radio |
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Sleep. Sleep. Sick. Sick. Neil. Neil. Chinese. Chinese. SICK. SICK.
That's all my past few days have consisted of. It's been great/horrible. Everything seems to be going good between Neil and myself. I really like where things are headed. Maybe a big "Are they back together?". Hopefully. I really need to quit drinking so much. I'm going to quit getting shitfaced with other people. When i'm at home, or at someone elses home, that's fine. But I need to quit making out with boys when i'm drunk. That's one thing i've learned this summer. Don't get shitfaced and makeout with guys.
I'm so thankful I have someone like Neil to really stick by me, even when I do stupid shit. No one will ever really know how much I need someone like that. Most people would "fuck it" on the first stupid thing I do. But no, not Neil. He's in it to win it. I am too. I'm going to be in it to win it, starting now.
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read & write
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